Pre-Apocalyptic Life

is grand…

Stuff

OK…cleaned most of the house. Have a few errands to run in the morning and some more laundry to do…there’s always a ton of laundry! I need to take a nap…am sleepy. Blah.

Fuck.

A hiking we will go..

Going hiking with my sissy & bro-in-law. I’m excited. Quality time in the wilderness with family. I need this. I’m excited. I said that already. I just noticed but I’m going to leave it anyways because I am excited. Be back laters.

I have a bad habit

of suppressing memories. It’s weird…I remember shit in perfect detail (from my POV anyways)…but I can totally put shit in a tiny, dark box in some recess in my mind and completely forget about it until someone else mentions it. It’s disturbing when I’m reminded. Now…I don’t do this a lot but there are some painful moments in life that I just choose to forget. Life is easier that way I have found. Like I said…it’s disturbing when I’m reminded…I take comfort in the fact that I will “forget” it again at some point.

It’s really depressing living with someone who wants to die. It takes all of my energy to keep me from depression. So then, I’m kinda like very blah and neutral with a touch of anger. I try extremely hard not to let the anger come out.

Dad fell down between his chair and the coffee table this morning. He couldn’t get up. I had to pick him up. I almost got angry. Kind of at him but then just because no one else cares enough to deal with it. I know, I know…so very busy. I know. I love how people rationalize. I wonder if it really gets them by. Hmm…it’s never worked for me. Anytime I try to rationalize something that I know wasn’t right it gnaws at me forever or until I fix it.

Back to Dad. He keeps saying he hopes he dies…by space junk…by any means. He would never kill himself outright. He doesn’t see that there’s no difference between beer and a gun. A long drawn out suicide. It’s so very painful to watch.

I

thoroughly enjoy just being a dick and not making sense. I like when people are confused by me. It comforts me and let’s me know I’m not alone in that feeling

Dragonfly Soup

So…

I’ve been sick for several days…I think I will die today. I feel like it anyways. Oh..and I watched Zombieland earlier. Kinda cheesy but I love Woody Harrelson. Hmmm…and I fished a shitwad of dragonflies out of the pool. I wrote poop there at first and had to correct it. I really don’t feel so great. I’m going to take some more vitamins and clean. Fleh.

Shablah

Ick! I’ve been sickly since yesterday. My eyes are all swollen. I look like someone punched me in the face I’ll kill you if you punch me in my face. I have a rather severe reaction to getting  hit in the face. It stems from that childhood accident that knocked my teeth out/loose. Anyways, I feel a little better tonight so I think I will go roll for a few hours.

Bear dog is having some issues. Every time I leave now he searches for a window to bust out of. He doesn’t want me to leave him. Poor doggie. He’s such a turd. Umm…what else is new? It rained almost all night long last night. It was wonderful. I’m glad it stopped though…I know we need it but I really don’t like rain.