It’s really depressing living with someone who wants to die. It takes all of my energy to keep me from depression. So then, I’m kinda like very blah and neutral with a touch of anger. I try extremely hard not to let the anger come out.
Dad fell down between his chair and the coffee table this morning. He couldn’t get up. I had to pick him up. I almost got angry. Kind of at him but then just because no one else cares enough to deal with it. I know, I know…so very busy. I know. I love how people rationalize. I wonder if it really gets them by. Hmm…it’s never worked for me. Anytime I try to rationalize something that I know wasn’t right it gnaws at me forever or until I fix it.
Back to Dad. He keeps saying he hopes he dies…by space junk…by any means. He would never kill himself outright. He doesn’t see that there’s no difference between beer and a gun. A long drawn out suicide. It’s so very painful to watch.
